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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893228">Underground Uzumaki</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTheHotPot/pseuds/NotTheHotPot'>NotTheHotPot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto, surprise crossovers - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Plot, Accidental Voyeurism, Age Difference, Age Play, Attempt at Humor, Barely Legal, Bathroom Sex, Burglary, Cat Burglars, Clones, Comedy, Crack, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Dark Comedy, Evil Plans, F/M, Feeding, Feeding Kink, Fisting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Food, Food Kink, Foxes, Hand Jobs, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Isekai, Kissing, Kitsune, Licking, Master/Pet, Mole People - Freeform, Naked Cuddling, Ninja, Oral Sex, Other, Overpowered Uzumaki Naruto, Pancakes, Poetry, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Ramen, Rhyming, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Self-Insert, Shotacon, Slice of Life, Smut, Thief, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tickle Fights, Vaginal Fisting, Vaginal Sex, Villain Protagonist, Weird Biology, Why Did I Write This?, many Ramen, many clones - Freeform, why</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:02:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTheHotPot/pseuds/NotTheHotPot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A man finds himself in Naruto's body.  Biding his time finally breaks free of the leaf getting his revenge even as he moves forward on his plan of returning to his home world with as much loot as he can while having fun along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Surprise/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Minecraft But I Need An End Portal Bad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I lay somewhat exhausted but oh so satisfied as I'd done it.</p><p>Finally, after years of putting up with abuse, struggling to get stronger, struggling to survive... I have <em>all</em> Naruto's standard jutsu save dear old Dad's flashing and a few extras in it's place- at least up until his training trip with the so called super-pervert, that plain Jane voyeur doesn't know the meaning of the word!</p><p>Shadow clones were the final missing piece and the most vital to my plan and I had it.. and more  since my clones had taken the scroll.</p><p>"There you are Naruto!  What were you thinking-"</p><p>"Mizuki told me to do it in order to pass.... my clones captured him, he's hogtied over there." I waved my hand lazily toward the hogtied and unconscious 'teacher' not getting up grateful I didn't have to pretend to care about the demanding and often shouting bastard that treated me as a dumb kid- planned or not on my part that didn't exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy toward him, just sightly less resentful since he had decent intentions.</p><p>"...Oh.  Well, in that case well done.. Get up and close your eyes Naruto."</p><p>"Are you going to kiss me or something?"  I said playing dumb, I had years of practice at that.</p><p>"No!  Just do it!"</p><p>"Heh, no thanks, this has shown me that the leaf can't be trusted.  After all I've already been betrayed by one leaf-nin not counting all the teachers that have been teaching me badly to get me killed to say nothing of whoever leaked the secret hiding in my gut making the civvies treat me like trash. I'd be as big of an idiot as I've been pretending to blindly trust a Leaf ninja since I'm sure only more betrayals would await me- frankly I suspect you'd give me your headband if I did as you asked- no thanks."  I said with a relaxed grin not getting up.</p><p>"B-but your dream of being Hokage-"</p><p>"If somehow I ever got that stupid looking hat I'd be fending off even more assassination attempts and I'd have to help the country that hates me- not sure which is worse... It's okay to give up on dreams you learn aren't possible or that you stop wanting- you just have to find a new dream to replace it with.  Keeping promises made on incomplete information that if kept will destroy or ruin your life would just be dumb- honor isn't worth giving up on a good life.     Besides I never really wanted to be Hokage so much as I enjoyed the pissed off looks on people's faces when I shouted about it, it was kind of fun." I grinned at Iruka's look of disappointment and sorrow.</p><p>"By the way... I'm just a shadow clone, the real Naruto should be joining Iwagakure or some other village with a little present to make sure they treat me right unlike this hellhole." I said off-offhandedly.</p><p>The change to shocked horror on his face made me laugh aloud as I allowed myself to dissipate, and along with me the fake scroll of sealing.</p>
<hr/><p>I was running in my trademark orange jacket straight towards Iwagakure then hid in a cave and allowed myself to vanish in a puff of smoke leaving only my orange jumpsuit behind.</p>
<hr/><p>I died in a puff of smoke on the route to Suna during a sandstorm, a sock all that remained knowing many others were spreading Naruto's dirty laundry far and wide leading hunter-nins on a wild goose chase.</p>
<hr/><p>I dug diagonally down into the Earth.</p><p>A short antenna on my head lit up the hole like an angler fish utilizing chakra converted into lightning, my razor sharp metallic hands effortlessly digging into the ground as I threw load after load of dirt behind me even as clones behind me used the far more chakra intensive bastardized tree-walking to compress the dirt filling in the hole behind me and helping me keep enough out the way to keep digging- hardening up the ceiling and walls in the process.</p><p>Finally I started henging myself, transforming my body turning it into charka then physical again bigger and bigger and other clones appeared helping me as we dug a small underground room and started shrinking and digging diagonally down again, a different direction.  We were only a half mile deep if that, our target was seven miles which should make it a nice and warm home but we needed the chambers like this since our body swapping wasn't infinite, a half-mile was a strain but doable.</p><p>"Finally." A Naruto said, one that had been leisurely walking behind us doingnothing.  I didn't feel anything but resentment of course- I shouldn't have but I knew full well, if for no other reason that I couldn't do anything about it.  The main Naruto had purposely left out the ability to betray or disobey him or even want to out of me when he created us.</p><p>Bastard.</p><p>In a puff of smoke dozens more Naruto clones appeared and in a flurry of smoke they changed into birds and body swapped with random leaves and sticks and branches from the surface appearing in their place, a remaining still human clone clone sweeping up the leaves and sticks and putting them on the slightly raised 'bed' even as it happened again and again even as more Narutos returned and came back with nothing steadily exchanging the air in the chamber keeping it fresh as they had been doing since we started.</p><p>The main Naruto then got on the bed and went to sleep.</p><p>I think if I was able to I'd strangle them both for not having to dig but I didn't stop, couldn't stop.</p>
<hr/><p>My dreams were filled with some of the most resentful and emo digging I had never imagined and I woke up near shivering in cold.</p><p>I created more clones to replace the digger crew and watched them shrink to the size of ants and trudge down the tiny tunnel but not before they threw me their jackets to cover up with and to lay down on.</p><p>I woke up later on to more weird digging dreams only to replace my workers all over again- this time they body swapped with rocks in the next chamber like this one, then again until they were on the last.</p><p>Stretching and getting out of the rather pitiful bed and nearly smacked myself as I realized that I'd not needed the few remaining jackets covering me- I'd not managed to dig up much on fuinjutsu but I could and did henge to buy a few sealing scrolls among other things which I'd been storing in things for a good couple years in preparation for this.</p><p>I'd been far too exhausted last night, the shadow clone technique wasn't exactly easy- easier than regular clones but it was no walk in the park to get it done in time.</p><p>Creating another batch of clones a good number transformed into insects replacing themselves with air on the surface, one dispelling immediately not only so I could wake up faster in the sunshine and confirm the surface directly above wasn't compromised which it wasn't but to relay my orders.</p><p>I then was wrenched down in a body swap to a near identical chamber.. and again and again.</p><p>This time I unsealed a mattress I bought and put it down on the identical if bare dirt bed to get over the dizziness absentmindedly creating more clones to body-swap with air to the surface and back bringing back the designated firewood along with air- not that I <em>could</em> burn it here yet but I'd need it eventually.</p><p>Felt worlds better after they returned breathing far easier too.</p><p>More clones turned into miniature angler-fish-Narutos- Anglerutos with a bobbing lighting jutsu antenna on their foreheads jumping up an digging lightly into the walls and ceiling an slowly lighting up the room.</p><p>Even more clones were created to swap with books and scrolls in the Hokage tower, academy and book stores, henging into their likeness first- a few extra clones retrieving the real articles and swapping them back own to me never once seen as Naruto- dogs worked well enough for the village with the Inuzuka clan.</p><p>With luck they'd think I did this last night when it was finally discovered- oh wow, that was fast and being opened feels funny- as does being tossed aside- and again and again as he found all his books blank and raged. The poor diligent librarian didn't stop till not a book remainedt, a scream that could be heard from the scroll and book clones in the Hokage tower as learned when the Hokage checked them and I dispelled lest he find a way to extract information from my clones.</p><p>A fun little prank and the books and scrolls were much needed if I wanted to go home.</p><p>They were body swapped down to the lower levels of the body-swap elevator and given over to clones even as I gradually went deeper and deeper myself relaxing with a scroll here and a book there trying to figure out fuinjutsu even while other clones raided shops for writing materials the same hilarious way to get materials to practice their penmanship and drawing skills in preparation.  I'd spent most the academy doodling for that very reason after I was done with the short handed notes.</p><p>An hour later my stomach gurgled and I got out the storage scroll full of food.  You couldn't do this on missions of course- it's too noisy charka-wise that any sensory-nin could pinpoint you with ease but deep underground I had no such worries and got out a steaming bowl of ramen.</p><p>I suspect personally the reason I was isekaied as Naruto was that I loved ramen nearly as much as him though I did eat other things. It's pretty much the best fast Japanese fast food; delicious, fast to make, and oh-so-customizable- it's just really good really salty noodles but you can use any meat and nearly any veggies, broths and stocks, herbs and seasons- even the dog. Okay not really the dog- I don't have one of thoes- my current favorite was a sweet barbecue pork fried ramen spiced up the wazoo with garlic and onion salt too, delicious- but given that this was breakfast I got out a pork broth ramen with bacon and cubed boiled egg with a cup of tea.</p><p>Not for the first time I patted my stomach internally thanking the demon within me for it's help healing me- I couldn't eat nearly so well if not for the fox keeping me healthy.</p><p>Same went for sunlight- especially if I got the right supplements, speaking of I popped a vitamin for just that.</p><p>Then it was back to studying, I was sure I fuinjutsu was the answer to getting home, shame it was so damned complicated.</p>
<hr/><p>It was a couple days later and 7 miles underground and away from the Leaf Village that the work started on my first true base instead of what amounted to a body swap elevator to get there.</p><p>It took some work to find the right spot making it end up being more like 7.4 miles deep within what amounted to an underground mountain.  Once found the clones got to work painstaking carving out a proper home for me.</p><p>The finished product took a week to achieve by which point.. I was starting to get a little stir crazy.</p><p>So I had clones start digging up an away even further from Kohana even as I examined my new home in person.</p><p>A body swap started me out in a large room with a false clone comprised sun which I hoped to eventually replace with fuinjutsu.</p><p>The transplanted grass and plants and trees within the room wouldn't survive forever but it was .. it felt good to see them after so long.</p><p>In a clearing in the center was a delicately carved large stone house.</p><p>The fireplace and oven both share  chimney that led up past the stone roof  all the way up to the artificial sky into a room that would need to be periodical swapped out from ash and soot until I figured out a better method.</p><p>Better still were the carved pipes leading to underground water sources- one near lava meaning I had an easy source of bath and shower water saving me  the hassle of sending clones for water. </p><p>I'd made the shower and bath tub more of a constant water fall into a steadily draining lake filtered through dirt and gravel into an underground lake that my even be safe to drink not that I was going to unless I ran out of water above <em>and</em> worked out fuinjutsu to make sure it was untainted- perhaps a few fish and plants would help but I wasn't sure- the toilets led to a sewer, nothing fancy there, I wasn't even going to try a thing to that.</p><p>The stone furniture was  little lacking but I could replace them with clone stolen pieces from Kohana- but given that it'd alert them that I'd returned and might have an easy way in and out I'd need to collapse the body-swap elevator toward the leaf. </p><p>Hell, I could use a lot more than just furniture too.. and it'd be good revenge on the village that treated me so poorly.</p><p>Thinking about it I stepped back outside and summoned hundreds of clones who shrunk and started diagonally up to the surface and down to carve more bases just in case- along with warehouses to store what I'd take.</p><p>I then started unpacking- I didn't have all that much- I couldn't let on that I was leaving after all but it brightened up the place a little, a mattress here, some pillows for chairs there, a few cheap paintings and a rather good deal of stolen books and scrolls for the library.</p><p>Then I got to studying and to give myself a break working on planning out the second clone raid of the leaf village.</p>
<hr/><p>Being a spy was a bit boring to be honest even if I was living out my first childhood-fantasy of being 'Secret Squirrel.' *(1)  </p><p>It was better than studying all the time and Boss-Naruto appreciated memories from spies but for my part I found it dull.</p><p>I wasn't allowed to prank people or even swipe ramen or talk, or do much of anything but watch and listen</p><p>Clones like me had already found out when the Chūnin exams were among other things and there were enough of us that sensors were having a headache finding what was going on and why and where Naruto was as was the Hokage- at first sign of discovery we got away and vanished of course making it all the harder on them.</p><p>Most of us used training grounds to spy on- gave us easy access to bushes to hide in and dispel from nice and easy. </p><p>One clone had decided he'd swap with a potted plant in the Hokage's office, the man himself noticed the feeling of chakra and checked all his paper work by tearing it up as an excuse to get out of it funny enough.</p><p>Then it was time, the arena was packed.. and even as the Hokage was facing his old student and the sand and sound attacked, Gaara becoming a sand-Megazord with no Power Rangers in sight nor even a giant toad I realized we'd given no thought to how it'd feel to hear and see people dying and not lifting a finger....</p><p>Considering what they put the boss through.. it felt mostly good.</p><p>Shame I had my orders and reluctant dismissed myself alerting the boss and his clone army it was time as did I assume a good many spy-clone.</p>
<hr/><p>I grinned sadistically if somewhat shakily from my seat as the memory of the squirrel came to me.</p><p>It was time!</p><p>Thousands of orange squirrels replaced thousands of spy marked items placing them into the prepared expanded underground chamber by memory of their location then we swapped and marking a new item each we dispelled.</p>
<hr/><p>I sighed as did my brethren, the clone-slaves of Naruto forced to cruelly do nothing but study endlessly in a sweatshop of a library, one we were copying one book or scroll at a time which, while helping us memorize the material and make a backup copy was dead boring- and sometimes dangerous in the case of fuinjutsu books. </p><p>Worse yet even with the distractions we had to keep trying to do our assigned duty wishing Naruto had dismissed us for the operation or at least let us help steal some things.</p><p>At least we weren't exploding like some of the other clones though.</p>
<hr/><p>The second wave appeared in the chamber swapping down the stolen items a level and swapped to the surface with more items... and people who were shunted to a far off village fast enough to not know what had happened in perfect darkness.</p><p>I didn't want my favorite ramen makers to die after all, nor did I truly want Iruka to die so he got to go with them... and then the third wave did the same to everyone under 12 that wasn't fighting as the third and forth wave struck taking mostly civilians that hadn't harmed me.</p><p>The fifth wave was back to robbery of non-essentials.... and.. well, a beautiful civilian woman just before she was killed by a sound ninja.</p><p>I didn't remember her abusing me but like everyone in the shit-hole of a ninja village by people save those I could count on a hand I didn't remember her helping me when she saw me getting hurled abuse at even if she didn't join in.</p><p>Felt scummy kidnapping her and not sending her to safety but bringing her to an arguably worse fate than the death I saved her from but, well, I had needs too.</p><p>So as she appeared in front of me I tuned out the continuing waves of clone-thieves to greet her... properly even as my home was becoming rather lavishly furnished by clones.</p><p>"You can stop screaming now, you're not going to die and I'm not going to <em>force</em> myself on you or anything of the sort, okay?"</p><p>She managed to open her eyes which widened comically even as her scream cut off... and she saw me.</p><p>"T-the fox saved me?"</p><p>"I'm not actually the fox you know, that thing's in like.. a charka cage within me put there by the forth Hokage to never escape.   He or she- haven't checked the fox's gender- can't do anything but give me a little power if I want it and it agrees as far as I know- which it can't yet since it's been unconscious since that night. Dad packs a bit of a wallop, I guess that's the Yellow-Flash for you."  I shrugged. </p><p>"I-I need- to .."</p><p>"Sit down?  There's a chair right there- I'd get up and help you but I'm worried you may be afraid of me and I don't want to make it worse." I explained gently.</p><p>She nodded looking faint as she sat down.</p><p>"If I moved slowly could you stand it if I summoned a clone to stop the changing furniture and get you a glass of calming herbal tea?"  I asked gently.</p><p>"Y-yes."</p><p>I nodded slowly making a cross hand sign, the woman flinching as a shadow clone appeared on my right, immediately vanishing after- the furniture stopped moving and from a sealing scroll in the kitchen and a small slow moving dog-clone transformed into a glass of tea to her right.</p><p>She slowly grabbed the glass and drank, her eyes not drifting far from me as if she did I'd attack.</p><p>Honestly- that would just make her hate me.</p><p>I sighed, if only I were reborn as Kakashi, I bet if he put down his porn and took off his mask he'd find himself becoming a harem protagonist. </p><p>I considered moving her toward the village I dumped Iruka.. but I really did need a wife.. Best give it a full try, if it didn't work out so be it, I'd find a wife from somewhere else. </p><p>"So... are you feeling a little calmer now?"  I asked gently.</p><p>She nodded a bit shakily clutching the remains of her tea as if I'd steal it from her.</p><p>Kind of cute. </p><p>"You like tea then- I'm sorry, I never got your name Miss- I'm Naruto by the way, a pleasure to meet you...?"</p><p>"Matsumura..."</p><p>"Lovely name." I lied, what a mouthful. </p><p>"My friends call me Sumura."  She said reluctantly and a bit resentfully, evidently I'd  not masked my tone enough.</p><p>"Sorry Sumura-san, I favor short names- though do keep in mind I saved your life- and pretty much every kid in the leaf and the few people that treated me well- you're lucky you did nothing to me if nothing for me either and I saw you as I fled myself."  Bit of a lie since I wasn't there but close enough really.</p><p>"Y-you saved the children and others too? W-where are they?"</p><p>I coughed awkwardly, "Uh, they're in non-ninja villages likely to start a new hidden leaf or some such thing but I got to them before they were attacked so they were fine, while you didn't stop screaming and you're still.. well, I can't jut let you have a melt down if I can help it... I also know you're single and I've heard of worse starts to lasting relationships than saving the other person's life.  If the idea of that's impossible to you I'll send you to them though, you're no prisoner."</p><p>"R-relationships?"</p><p>I nodded, "I'm a person with needs and ants too and, well, you're very pretty.  I can't say I know you well but the worst thing you've done to me is call me fox and break a tea cup and not help me- none bother me too much... So I'd like to get to know you a bit more, see if we can be at minimum friends.  I'd certainly not object to more than that though- I'd be more than happy to start off with a date when you're feeling up to it."  Thankfully she was an orphan- it'd have been a no-brainier that she'd not be willing to have anything to do with me if her parents had died tonight.</p><p>"Y-you.. Want to date.. you're either a fox or a kid though..."</p><p>I snorted, she was only a few years older physically than me.</p><p>"I can use ninja techniques including one to grow a little and I believe my life has matured me beyond my years despite my pranks- the only retaliation I was allowed against those that did me harm like shop owners that charged me four times as much as everyone else or didn't let me in at all."</p><p>She nodded slowly seemingly actually thinking deeply about something.</p><p>"Can I please have another cup of tea?" Sumura asked.</p><p>I thought she'd been thinking about my offer and maybe she was but what she asked had me amused if a bit disappointed.</p><p>"Certainly." Another shadow clone done slowly- with less of a flinch from Sumura and I had the clone stay human- if a slow one that set it on the table a ways away from her, and one for me as well.</p><p>She took it with a sip...</p><p>"This is.. nice tea, you.. you made this?" She asked.</p><p>"Nope, one of those solid clones did, a copy of me but I do get their memories and remember brewing a ton of tea of different blends one day so I'd have a bunch ready made whenever I want thanks to sealing scrolls." I explained.  I'd felt like I had enough tea to satisfy the Brits.. if only for an hour or two- it was one of the few drinks in this world I liked- a few juices and milk were it aside from that but now I had some new drinks in the warehouse- plenty of coffee beans which I was excited about- they're damned expensive here.  The only thing I really needed more of were sealing scrolls to keep everything fresh, thankfully there was a sweat shop of clones making them- better still there's not been an explosion from it for hours.</p><p>"S-so... if I became your...."She started to ask but trailed off with a blush- hopefully she was thinking wife or more but...</p><p>"Endless tea if you want it while you're here- pretty much any food too- I didn't think you'd want to eat after...." I agreed easily.  Shadow clones were an unlimited workforce...</p><p>"Uh, but... if you know how to make any foods or drinks or anything I don't you'd have to teach me or a clone if you wanted me to make them for you and.. well, I'm not an endless font of generosity, I'd expect nice conversations with you like this one at minimum."</p><p>She nodded slowly sipping her tea and hopefully considering it.</p><p>"Alright, I.. I guess I'm okay with.. staying and getting to know you better- um, you do have a guest room right?"</p><p>Guess it's too much to hope for that she'd join me in bed. Maybe I should have- no, I have lines not to cross.. too many since the waves of clones had started rescuing far more civilians than I'd intended- and a handful of the less ornery ninja from both sides- but none that could sense me save my old teacher.</p><p>Still, the leaf itself was dead and the survivors were scattered off in random little villages with the bare minimum to survive a week or so, as I'd told Sumura, I'm no endless fount of generosity. </p><p>"A few of them, yes.  I managed to retrieve all your possessions by the way, they're all in the third door on your right upstairs if you'd like to get changed and get some rest- there's only one bathroom I'm afraid so do knock- it's the one on the end- the door before it is my room if you need me during the night- I can always make a clone and go back to bed if you just need a snack or something so don't worry about doing so."</p><p>"Y-you- thank you!" Sumura said with a bow.</p><p>Wonder if she'd be so happy to know I've been a fly on her wall...</p><p>"Glad you appreciate it but no need to bow- I'm not big on bowing."  I shook my head, I could steal more things from other jerks in the future but I was near-feeling bad about it with her thanking me so much for returning her already stolen possessions through the tea-clone.</p><p>"A-alrightt.. I.. You don't mind if I go to sleep right?"</p><p>"Go on, it's been a long night- I'll summon a clone to clean up and probably send more clones to save what people I can now that I've rested a bit so I'll be down here if you need something tonight."</p><p>She nodded blushing with a stare at the teacup.</p><p>"I-I could-"</p><p>"I have clones, no need to bother yourself."</p><p>"I...I see, thank you again... G-goodnight Naruto-san."</p><p>"Goodnight Sumura-san."</p><p>She smiled headed upstairs.</p><p>I did as I said summoning a clone when she was gone not that she seemed too worried about me by the end of our talk but really, even I'd be intimidated by a bunch of Narutos showing up if I didn't create them myself.</p><p>They cleaned up .. and then one popped updating orders the rest increasing the oxygen by bringing in more trees and increasing the irrigation for them.  Luckily the sun fuinjutsu panned out even clones had to collect it with altered storage seals...Though it was rather dark now 'outside' inside had slightly dimmer sun scrolls-ah, forgot to tell her how to turn them on and off but the fake moon and stars were bright enough to see, no worries, it could wait for tomorrow. </p><p>I went to bed myself.. after a few more dozen rounds of clones even as the raid on the leaf village continued, by the time I was done not a single plank of wood of  a single bit of a single building would remain if I had my way.</p><p>The Hokage Mountain was carved over to look like a perfectly ordinary mountain, the bodies buried and the survivors moved to towns or driven off as I <em>erased</em> the leaf village from existence in my greatest prank yet.  I even transported trees and vegetation to where it'd been, not even a trace of road or path was allowed to remain.</p>
<hr/><p>A pale snake-faced man stared at the village- or what had been a village- in wonderment.</p><p>It was.. beautiful, those strange orange foxes- he owed them a great debt of gratitude truly.</p><p>"Wipe my eye please Kabuto-kun." The snake man said even as a tear rolled down his cheek.</p><p>"Y-yes Orchimaru-sama.  Are the foxes yours?"  The blue haired boy asked as he shifted up his glasses up with a finger and nervously wiped away Orchimaru's tear with a handkerchief, the snake-man's arms laying limp at his sides unfeeling and non-responsive.</p><p>"If only... I believe it to be the work of the Jinchūriki of the nine-tailed-fox who, evidently did not appreciate his ill treatment at the leaf anymore than I...  Tell the troops if you see him to offer him a place of honor with us- below you of course Kabuto-kun but only just.  If he refuses they should tell him should he change his mind or simply need or want my aid in anything to go to one of our expendable safe-houses."</p><p>"Yes  Orchimaru-sama, do you think he'll join?"</p><p>"Likely not but no matter- get to relaying my order it if you would though, I would like to return the favor of this wonderful gift."</p><p>As soon as Kabuto had left I turned from fox to boy.</p><p>As I suspected the snake man didn't seem the least bit surprised.</p><p>"Uh, .Orchimaru-sama, I actually could use your help with something, I don't really want to join you I'm afraid but in return I'll even make it worth your while with a copy of all the leaf's jutsu starting with the scroll of sealing and the location of Sasuke and Tsunade along with a little advice as a free appetizer; be warned Sasuke's eyes give him bullshit powers that may allow him to fight even you off if you take over his body so they should be transplanted to a new host directly even if they'll be a bit weaker for it.  Watch out for his brother though, he's got a secret soft spot in a psycho sort of way and will want revenge; he's still rather powerful even if he's dying and going blind- some disease along with a problem with the most advanced form of his eyes- if he got a transplant from Sasuke he'll supposedly become immortal but he wants Sasuke to kill him and take his eyes or something like that.  Your teammate on the other hand will get over her blood phobia if you make her mad enough or harm those she cares about.  I'm afraid she wouldn't believe you'll return her family or think it's an illusion or a trick and wouldn't help you for anything- I'd recommend just kidnapping her assistant and apprentice whose nearly as good a medic and who won't put up nearly as much of fight and either using her or using her as leverage on Tsunade- though that could backfire of course enraging her into a fight.  Shizune- Tsunade's  apprentice- has some form of poison gas technique or bloodline so be prepared for that- she's good enough that she may have poisons somewhat effective against even you. Harming her pet pig would may likely make her uncooperative, threatening it harm might prove useful though."  I explained. </p><p>"You've more than have my attention Naruto-kun, that was very useful indeed and your offerings even more tantalizing.. What may I ask do you need my assistance with?"</p><p>"I'm trying to recreate the forth Hokage's Flying Thunder God Technique hopefully improve it if I can. I think I may have recovered it today but only time will tell, it's a lot of stuff to dig through...  In any case I would very much appreciate copies of any scrolls and books on fuinjutsu and techniques that are related to movement in anyway to help and maybe someone that knows a bit about it and you can spare to teach and assist me with fuinjutsu in general. I don't mind sharing the resulting techniques with you assuming I manage them.  Interested?" Though I'm probably never going to share the <em>final</em> derivative technique I plan on making from it that will hopefully get me well away from ninja-land, maybe even letting me go home.</p><p>"Absolutely, I will support you in full." Orchimaru immediately agreed to my delight.</p><p>"Best. Day. Ever." The snake-man said under his breath genuinely smiling souring my mood.</p><p>It was kind of creepy.</p><p>Super creepy with a side of nope.</p><p>Still, it was a good deal, I hardly cared about an alcoholic gambler and her enabler anymore than I did a murderous emo. A stronger snake-man wasn't too big a deal for a guy planning on escaping this world- particularly as I'm giving him plenty of reasons not to want me dead.</p><p>Besides, the Akatsuki and Sound will probably clash when they learn we're allies, if I'm really lucky they'll take each other out. </p><p>"Glad to have the help.  By the way, Kabuto.. he's scary loyal to you and I'm pretty sure if you died he'd eat you to keep you with him forever- no joke.  He'd then probably try to kill everyone with the Impure World Resurrection Technique....  I'm truthfully less scared of you than him- so.. can we have literally anyone else as go-between and teacher-assistant?"</p><p>"Kukuku, of course Naruto-kun, I wouldn't wish to make you uncomfortable."  Right... Do you even hear your laugh creepazoid?</p><p>"Alright, I'm going to replace myself with a copy of the scroll of sealing then along with a map with the locations of Sasuke and Tsunade- uh, send whoever here whenever with what scrolls and books you're willing when you can- no rush since you've got a lot to take care of I know- I'll have a clone watching and waiting this with more jutsus to exchange at that time."</p><p>"That works well enough Naruto-kun, a pleasure doing business with you.. Kukukuku..."  </p><p>I nodded suppressing a shudder and body-swapped.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*(1) Secret Squirrel is a spy type character from a short lived cartoon from 1965.  *(2)<br/>*(2) No I don't know why he's here, blame my late-night brain.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hero's Reward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up with a desperate need for a shower.</p><p>Working with Orchimaru.. What had my clone been thinking?</p><p>He <em>was</em> going to double-cross me, the sky is blue, the grass is green and creepy snake men betray you.  It was only a matter of time really and put me in a bit of a rush to get the hell away from this world.</p><p>Nothing for it though, I was in.  A quick batch of clones, one to keep watch on the surface and the rest to replace the ones that ran out of juice then I headed to the bathroom feeling far too dirty.</p><p>Thankfully if this was a rom-com no one had notified my potential wife since I not only woke-up before her as far as I could tell but I remembered to knock on the bathroom door, not that she was within it anyway.</p><p>Walking past the toilet and urinal, sinks and counter and into the waterfall room I felt better already as I got under the water within the faux lake sitting upon a stone bench as I cleaned myself then sliding into the water.</p><p>There might have been a knock but if there was I'd no way of hearing it and I hadn't even thought of locks save on the front door, but the sight of a wide eyed beautiful woman staring at my body wasn't a horrible one.</p><p>I admitted my over-caution in sacrificing my sanity to learn Gai's Taijutsu if not his gates technique had been worth it even if I never exercised close to enough to make Lee sweat.</p><p>"Sorry, didn't hear you come in.  I'll be out in a couple minutes though if you want to join me there's a few towels behind you." I offered hopefully. </p><p>"A-alright."  Really?</p><p>I grinned as she grabbed a towel and ducked away from the shower returning less than a minute later wrapped in a towel looking rather alluring even with her bed-hair and blush- hell, it cleansed my mind of snakes better than the shower and bath were.</p><p>"Ooh, the water's nice!"  She said dipping a toe in before slowly walking down the small ramp and toward the waterfall sitting on the bench looking about with serene smile... and if those looks were on me occasionally it only said good things about my future.</p><p>"There's soap, shampoo and washcloths on a shelf to your right, I'm afraid I didn't think to grab more feminine soaps and the like but I can create a shadow clone to fetch some." I offered.</p><p>"I-It's fine for now, don't trouble yourself."</p><p>I shrugged, "Alright, so did you sleep alright?"</p><p>"Y-yes, thank you again for allowing me to stay and.. and saving me... I'm in your debt Naturo-Sama."  Ohh, an upgraded name?  I don't hate it but I did wish we cold just drop the formalities- still that'd probably come in time.</p><p>Her offer of a debt sent me reeling even more as I realized- well, where we were and.. it was a struggle not to make her pay it with her body.</p><p>"You already thanked me last night, though ..debts.. I don't want you because you owe me so.. maybe you could learn how to cook a few dishes I don't know and teach me or my clones?  Never been the best book learner- I learn better by seeing the thing done." Of course my spying had included a few kitchens but I hardly learned how to make everything from it and I hadn't been able to ask questions usually being a small bug- which also meant my sight wasn't so good.. also I'd focused on spying on Ichiraku's ramen first and foremost- too good to not even if I'd felt guilty about it.  We'd never grown so close as in canon since I wasn't a kid though since, I'd camped out in front of the Hokage tower when kicked out of the orphanage; they hadn't saved me even if I know they would have, there's a reason they were the first ones I'd rescued last night but not before stealing and copying their cookbooks, my clones working hard at it even if they grumbled and complained.</p><p>"Alright, I'll do my best not to let you down Naruto-Sama!"</p><p>"You really don't need to go that far but I'll take the excuse to relieve me of your debt and get to spend some time together Sumura-san." I said agreeably if feeling a bit embarrassed I was the only one undressed.  Only a bit,  body shyness was the first thing to go in this new life of mine even if it had been a good many years since I was regularly stripped and bathed- this was far nicer though... Hm.. can I really just share a bath with a woman without trying anything?</p><p>She came in here so she probably wouldn't be completely against it... But she'd brought a towel- why'd I'd suggest a towel!?</p><p>"Are you okay Naruto-sama?" Sumura asked a lightly shaking hand on my bare shoulder.</p><p>"I'm afraid being in a bath with such a beauty is a bit trying for a guy if in the best of ways...." I trailed off, hoping...</p><p>"I..I could help you with that if you like Naruto-Sama?"</p><p>Ground control to major Tom, commencing countdown, engines on! *(1)</p><p>"I'm not a good enough person to refuse, I would appreciate it, please."</p><p>She giggled sounding somewhat shaken but to her credit she slid in next to me without a towel and  had me moaning into her lips in seconds even as she seemed to be- </p><p>I felt my face flushing as I was gently picked up and put in her lap, head directed to two lovely perky globes even as she took me in hand wrapping an arm against my back and had me moaning into her breasts in thrice.</p><p>I didn't resist, especially not as she moved so my mouth had something new to occupy it with</p><p>As nervous as she'd seemed she seemed far too experienced at everything kneading my penis with such warmth and skill  that if it were bread dough Gordon Ramsey, the cooking guru who did little but shout in anger on TV would give her a standing ovation.</p><p>That and other thoughts barely helped delay the inevitable and I came.</p><p>I really should have been offended by the giggling but I was too busy feeling amazing, floating, weightless.*(2)</p><p>The stars look very different today, for here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do. *(1)</p><p>I <em>really</em> needed that.</p><p>"Would you like me to return the favor Sumura?" I asked feeling.... wonderful.</p><p>"Y-you don't have to do that Naruto-Sama." The red faced woman said, the backdrop of her and the waterfall, an the high windows showing the false stars an faux full-moon behind her made her even more breathtaking.  I forgot to create a clone to change it to day and couldn't be happier I have to say.</p><p>"I would greatly enjoy whatever you want me to do, please be a little selfish?" I blurted out but couldn't find it in me to regret saying it.</p><p>"Y-you're sure about that?"</p><p>I barely withhold a snort, I made Jiraiya look like a virgin in my perversity.  My fetishes are D. all of the above and can you create some new ones please?</p><p>"Absolutely, anything you want of me I'll be more than happy to do.. Well, as long as it doesn't kill or cripple me." I admitted, sure being strangled to death by a beautiful woman riding me wouldn't be the worst way to go come to think of it but I do rather like this whole living thing, particularly <em>now</em>.</p><p>"A-alright."  I was a bit shocked when she stood up carrying me- did I accidentally pick up a deep cover ninja?</p><p>She seemed to be straining a little though, her legs wobbling and.. oh her hand was under me groping my butt and it felt nice but..  I don't want her to trip and bash my head in or hers!</p><p>"D-do you nee me to be a little lighter or smaller?"  I asked wondering if she was <em>into</em> me being a kid.</p><p>"You can do that!?"</p><p>"Yes, I can turn into literally anything and anyone as long as I know what it looks like."</p><p>"Holy shit."  I blinked, she can curse?  Not that I particularly minded but such a nice and beautiful woman..... I hadn't heard her curse while I was... gathering intel on the Leaf.</p><p>"Um.. c-could you.. if it's not too..."</p><p>"Would you like me to gradually grow smaller until you say when?" I offered.</p><p>"Y-yes, please..."  Sumura said in a small embarrassed voice.  </p><p>I did as she asked, evidently a bit too slowly, I couldn't have looked older than five when she said "T-tha'ts enough." even as I was set down and she gently toweled me dry after wrapping a towel around her hair and body- I hope this wasn't it.</p><p>Then she held out her hand flushing harder still.</p><p>I took it confused only for her to walk me to her new room only for her to gain pick me up setting me on the bed her joining immediately unwrapping the towel and slowly spreading her legs.</p><p>"C-can you.. use your fingers.... and...and tongue here?"</p><p>I believe I can (I can). I believe I will (I will).  I believe I know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real).*(4)</p><p>Getting between her legs I touched the furnace between an it was good but.. My arm was grabbed and- holy crap she's forcing my whole fist in and grabbing my hair pushing me down toward her... </p><p>I got the idea licking where directed delighted with taste of honey, far better than our atrocious morning-breath that had only eased with time as good as it'd felt, her small nub apparently very sensitive as only then did she start moaning even as her hands slackened I kept going gamely until she was a withering mess near crushing me between her silky soft thighs and- I coughed as honey water flooded y mouth struggling to swallow when I realized what the wondrous substance was- no wonder she'd brought a towel, a squirter, even as I caught my breath I was.. amazed to rock hard with a side of ecstatic. .</p><p>"T-that... amazing."  Sumura said sounding daze unclasping her legs and allowing me to withdraw my rather soaked arm and facce cleaning up myself then her with the towel,</p><p>"Thanks, I try."  I said amused and amazed myself.</p><p>"Y-you're hard again?"</p><p>"..Of course I am?"</p><p>"W-would you.. we shouldn't though-"</p><p>"If you mean .. more.. I can stop myself from.. finishing as long as you need to."  I said regretting it as I realized she might mean something entirely different.</p><p>"T-then P-please..."  She spread her legs again and, well..</p><p>Hello heaven, I don't know what I did to deserve you but thank you for welcoming me.</p><p>One quick henge technique for man, one giant leap for mankind.</p><p>I slowly slid in, the warmth feeling proof that if there's a creator he probably likes us, really really likes us.</p><p>I wanted to go slowly, lest I hurt her- obviously I'd hardly henged myself much smaller down there- though I did henge myself <em>closed</em>.  Instead hands pulled my own hands onto her breasts only to withdraw to my butt groping me even as I was pushed and pulled in and out of her so fast I felt like the world's luckiest Etch A Sketch *(6), </p><p>The build up was too much, the need to release- but I couldn't lest I dispelled the technique and I don't want kids now if ever!</p><p>It was a beautiful torture even as she came again relaxing her hold on me.</p><p>"Y-you can f-finish- m-maybe on my tits?"</p><p>I didn't hesitate pulling out and stroking myself releasing the henge allowing me to cum all over her tits and stomach doing my best to ignore her half-hysteric giggling, looking giddily sated even as she unwrapped the towel around her hair and slowly cleaned up, I did the same and slowly made my way to her side.</p><p>"Hope you don't mind a little cuddling after?" Oddly I felt more embarrassed about this than anything else, my face flushing.</p><p>She didn't answer in words setting aside the towel and pulling me half on-top her, a lovely warm and soft pair of breasts my pillow even as she gently stroked my hair.</p><p>Then her stomach growled.</p><p>"I-I hate to bother you but I'm.. I'm getting thirsty and hungry..."</p><p>Right, civilians- I could go a week without water and a month without food with my chakra and healing but she wasn't a ninja.. probably.. much less a Uzumaki with a fox demon.</p><p>"Shadow clone."  I didn't move, it took a little more focus without the hand-sign but the words helped.</p><p>The clone puffed into existence body-swapping out with air only to return with a tray laden with a tea service which he poured for us handing them over even as we sat up.</p><p>"Mmm.. your teas the best.. and t-that wasn't too bad either.."  Not too bad!?</p><p>"I think you have that reversed." I suggested.</p><p>"Hmmm... no..." She poked me in the side near making me laugh.</p><p>"Ooh, ticklish?"</p><p>"A little..." I admitted praying for breakfast to hurry up-"</p><p>The clone returned with two plates laden with pancakes along with a miniature buffet service of toppings.</p><p>"Wh-what are these?"</p><p>"Pancakes- fried sweet breakfast cakes with a side of the best cut of pork ever, bacon."  I explained putting some sliced strawberries and bananas  on top of mine with a small drizzle of chocolate and a dollop of homemade whip cream on mine.  Hadn't managed maple syrup but this was delicious anyway and the bacon was rather good too.</p><p>She copied me.. with all the toppings from strawberries to crushed walnuts, bananas to homemade chocolate chip, sliced boiled egg and bacon to cream cheese, and a drizzle of all sauces, strawberry to caramel, chocolate to vanilla, each bite a different one that had her moaning loud enough to make me feel the slightest bit jealous, if happy she liked my cooking. </p><p>Another clone took away the plates when were done and to my glee Sumura asked "Can you help me to the lake to wash up?"</p><p>"Gladly."  I grew to her wide eyed shock all the way to a 20ish year old and easily picked her up in a bridal carry even as she muttered "Y-you- really are- his- the- F-forth!?"</p><p>"His Son." I explained figuring out what she meant barely.</p><p>"H-how.. no- why doesn't anyone know!?"</p><p>"The Hokage knew- he just kept it secret, I'd have had my Dad's enemy's after me if say, the Rock village found out about me." I explained privately a bit worried about them, if anyone could find my underground lair it'd be the rock-heads.</p><p>"O-oh.. but.. I'm just.... you could have anyone..."</p><p>I snorted doubting that but more importantly.. "I'm happy with my choice, <em>very</em> happy though I would like to get to know you better but you seem exhausted, my curiosity can wait."</p><p>Sumura seemed lost in a trance as I helped her clean up and needed my help to dry off.</p><p>"So what would you like to do today?"</p><p>"R-rest.." Figures.  I picked her up and took her to her bed.</p><p>"Could we cuddle some more?" Hadn't fully expected that but I'd no objection.</p><p>"Absolutely."  I held laid her down and held her in my arms half-expecting her to fall asleep.</p><p>"C-could you.. go back to how you were before?"</p><p>She really liked em young huh?  Well, I don't really mind, I shrunk down without hesitation, wouldn't want her to think being tenderly held was a turn-off or something crazy like that.</p><p>I was captured against her falling into a pleasant sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>It was dark and then it became light.</p><p>In the sewers the demon opened it's blood-red-eyes.</p><p>Outside was.. unexpected and surprisingly flexible.</p><p>At least his jailer won't be boring like the last fellow. </p><p>"I do wonder if his little ninja technique will work for me?  If so wouldn't <em>I</em> be in for a <em>treat</em>?  Henge."</p><p>The giant mass of charka and hate shrunk far more than three sizes that day but her grin grew and grew so high that it nearly left her smug. fox. like. face. *(8)</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*(1) Song lyric from "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. *(3)<br/>*(2) Song lyric from "Major Tom (völlig losgelöst)" by Peter Schilling. *(3)<br/>*(3)Both songs are about a Major Tom, a fictional astronaut in a great many songs.   I don't know why they're in the fic, what are you doing brain?<br/>*(4) Song Lyric from "I believe" by Yolanda Adams. *(5)<br/>*(5) Seriously brain, why?  Stop it with the songs.<br/>*(6) A drawing toy that works by moving two knobs to draw things- shaking it rapidly erases the drawing. *(7)<br/>*(7) At least it's not another song lyric?<br/>*(8) A parody of Dr. Seuss' book "The Grinch" *(9)<br/>*(9) WHY!  You were doing so much better brain, and now this, you've got to stop ruining The Grinch!  You go to your room and think on what you've wrought, this is not how you've been brought up! *(10)<br/>*(10 And stop RHYMING brain, you're driving me insane, can you just not!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Get Foxed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ever since I learned the shadow-clone technique my dreams had been weird but took the cake.</p><p>A rather cute girl with two little fox ears and 9 extremely fluffy fox tails looking up at me with puppy-dog eyes.</p><p>"Can I please have some breakfast cake Master Naruto-sama? Just imagine it into being for me, please!"</p><p>See, what did I tell you, what even is my life.</p><p>Fine.. I pictured the pancakes and hoped they wouldn't be a lie. *(34)</p><p>The appeared on a plate and table in front of the fox-life girl, an endless plate that the girl seemed determined to conquer. </p><p>More and more pancakes were devoured and the girl grew rounder and rounder and I feared the worst but before she could burst she fell back and rolled slumping on the ground at the end of her cage like a junkie stoned out of their mind.</p><p>Aren't you being dramatic, shouldn't you feel ashamed?</p><p>"Mmm... That was good, so much better than murderous rampages.  Do you think we could try sex next?"</p><p>What even- seriously why?</p><p>"...Fine but if you kill me then no more pancakes."  I insisted.</p><p>"No!  You musn't die, pancakes forever Master Naruto!"</p><p>So, there's this.</p><p>"I'll try my best not to die so you can have pancakes."  I agreed in a calm soothing voice like you do with crazy people.</p><p>Said crazy 'people' didn't seem to mind smiling happily. </p><p>"Good, now stick it in- ah, you don't mind them bigger do you- if you insist I can shrink down..."  She sounded reluctant and I had the strange feeling that she'd miss the pancakes inside her even as she pressed her fat bottom against the cage toward me.</p><p>...Hmmm..</p><p>"Do you think you could become thin and eat while we're having sex?" I asked.</p><p>"Yes!  Thank you Master!"  </p><p>Having sex with the fox-woman was wild and not just because she was eating like an animal, pancakes on a plate off the floor on all fours, her fox tails waggling mightily as I slowly rubbed my penis on her surprisingly wet sex burning like the greatest inferno yet and before I could continue the floorplay of foreplay the fox thrust herself down on it and so stunned I didn't- couldn't move as I was used.</p><p>And even as it went on it got tighter and tighter still as the skinny girl grew fat, and if it weren't for this clearly being a dream I would have screamed or creamed.</p><p>Then with a mighty roar of a moan she thrust backwards one final time, the vibration of her climax's shout setting me off.</p><p>..She was still eating and slowly moving again thin once ore and.. I started moving on in.</p><p>I lost count in the endless night but by the time I woke up my dick felt fried- only for me to realize that the feeling as coming from my would-be-wife bobbing up and down her head between my thighs. </p><p>Had the flour in those pancakes gone off or something- "Oh you're awake, I hope you don't mind but I couldn't resist a little taste."</p><p>Sumura said that all without leaving my dick, the humming setting me off not that she minded swallowing every last drop, evidently my body's easy to read and tasty, a very good thing. indeed.</p><p>"I'm going to have to make more pancakes." I decided.</p><p>"For lunch?" The woman didn't sound too enthused, already a pancakes-are-only-for-breakfast nutter as if past 12PM they become un-kosher?</p><p>Still.. I don't mind a little variety here and there...</p><p>"No, some other time I suppose....  Maybe pizza for lunch." I decided.  I still didn't understand here I was going wrong with pepperonis but I had a few decent pizzas in storage otherwise.</p><p>"Alright, if you made it I'm sure it's good."How flattering. </p><p>I gave her a kiss she pulled any from, the salt and taste of flesh not bothering me a whit.</p><p>"You- I just gave you a- you shouldn't-"</p><p>"I don't mind." I told her going back in for round two.</p><p>Two turned to a bakers dozen, the fox was utterly insatiable.</p>
<hr/><p>Luckily I woke up rock hard and not feeling nearly as sore as I would have if I'd been having sex all night like  real life in the warm embrace of Sumura, the civilian woman I thought the most beautiful woman in the Leaf.. well, with the possible exception of Anko but I'd rather go back to sleep and play with the fox, she seemed a bit too much woman for any guy that was even remotely sane. </p><p>Speaking of sane, was I?  Was that.. Was that a dream with the fox woman or... Did I really just have sex with the demon in me?  </p><p>I shook my head, a shadow clone popping up with a bit of struggle, hand-sign only and no words.. and a body-switching jutsu got me out of the warm embrace to relieve my bladder.</p><p>Honestly, I bloody loved having a proper urinal in my home- sure it felt a little strange knowing Sumura had seen it but... Not having to worry about missing early in the morning when my hard penis somehow makes my pee stream split into two without sitting down makes it a bit quicker, don't have to wake up as much for it.</p><p>I could perhaps have even gone back to bed- I'd made sure the lights would adjust- the first ten minutes of me being awake they'd be dim, bright enough to make my way around but only just.  Then it'd slowly start brightening inside.</p><p>Of course, without curtains the fake underground sun when it 'rose' would be near-blinding anyway.</p><p>"Really need to fix that thing..." I muttered, a few shadow clones created and one swapping away with air in the cave to get to it.</p><p>The rest replenished the studying and training clones to say nothing of the warehouse sorting division.  With a whole town's worth of things to go through I ended up nearly exhaust myself creating bathroom after bathroom of clones even as they vanished and I walked towar the shower to do it again.</p><p>It woke me up and the shower got me the rest of the way- and helped me feel clean.</p><p>Somehow my dreams.. I wanted to wash up even if it had felt incredible the Fox had been an incredibly messy eater.</p><p>'Note to self, don't make yourself taste good.' I firmly told myself just imagining the nightmare that would make of my life... it could be <em>fun</em>- no!  Some things should stay fantasies! *(1)</p><p>I nodded firmly.</p><p>I then went to the kitchen and started cooking.</p><p>Since I got sealing scrolls I haven't cooked like a normal person.</p><p>For one thing I didn't cook when I was hungry all that much when I was craving something and it always took an hour or three for me to get an appetite after waking- frankly if I was still in the leaf I'd be training my body hard but.. I wasn't planning on putting myself in the front line and the fox's healing meant there was no muscle or flexibility loss. </p><p>Thankfully between meals the fox had been willing to answer questions.</p><p>The biggest difference between cooking in the past and now was of amount.</p><p>There's a reason the kitchen here is the biggest room.</p><p>"Shadow clone jutsu."  I sat down at the table and accepted my cup of coffee with glee even as my clones got to work boiling hundreds of eggs in all the pots we had even as others started on painstakingly making mayonnaise with different amounts of egg, mustard, oil, vinegar and the like taste testing the tiny batches with a tiny piece of bread and meat until...</p><p>"This one's pretty good, guess we like our mayo with lots of egg white and only a tiny amount of vinegar and so much mustard it turns yellow."  Huh.</p><p>I shrugged, "Good to know.  We're getting decent at this." Then again making mayo is far faster than vinegar and far easier than mustard- that'd been a pain, crushing mustard seed and figuring out what to add... That had been a headache in a half to figure out it too could use a little vinegar- for something I hate too much of it's in a lot of my favorite things.</p><p>"We nothing, you did nothing, clones do all the work around here!"</p><p>Snippy clone.</p><p>"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it you know-"</p><p>"I'll be good!"</p><p>I nodded even as pan after pan of bacon was taken out of the oven and then the eggs were done boiling.</p><p>Over a hundred deviled eggs were produced.. after we found out the right amount of mayo to put with egg yolk along with bacon and seasoning.</p><p>Then they got to work on the second batch even as I left draining my coffee.  They'd make a thousand or so- we had more than enough eggs and now we even had the sealing scrolls for the food. </p><p>I snatched an egg for myself, not very hungry but I did want to try- it was rather good, not like ones I'd had before- more bacon, a little lighter on mayo since it was so much mustard but good, the seasoning on top was.. a little strange, not quite the chili powder from home but rather good- if a little tame.</p><p>"Experiment with adding cheese to the next batch and a little more mayo and seasoning for the ones meant for me." I ordered.</p><p>"Aye aye boss!"  I sighed.</p><p>"I can't hear you!" The clone that took up my abandoned post as supervisor called out.</p><p>"Aye aye boss!" The screamed, the joys of a underground stone house is we have awesome soundproofing- I hadn't skimped on wall thickness. </p><p>I left as they began singing- kept em from being too bored but.. It got a little weird at times- like.. say, singing the Spongebob theme-song.</p><p>"Ah.. entertainment..."  I created a few more clones to go to the warehouses in search of fictional books for the library.. which come to think of it isn't nearly big enough now.</p><p>A few more clones to dig out more of the stone and build a castle it is, I decided.</p><p>I went outside... and summoned enough to fill up the underground forest which I saw was dimly lit with the morning sun, not blinding!</p><p>The clone finished that, guess he's still working on syncing it to a 24 hour light cycle so I don't go completely bonkers down here. *(2)</p><p>I was considering going to a warehouse to browse or the library to read but I found myself being body swapped by a clone and finding myself in the arms of a rousing Sumura.</p><p>"Mmm." Sumura pulled me closer not that I'd complaints.. she froze though.</p><p>"H-how'd you get dressed so fast and why?"</p><p>Oops.</p><p>"Uh.. I got up early and didn't want to wake you so.. I switched with a shadow clone?"</p><p>"Oh, okay, you're the real one right?" I sighed, she wasn't upset, good.</p><p>"Yes, uh, a light pinch will dispel a clone if it's important to you to know but I get all clone's memories..."</p><p>"Oh, huh... Wait, can't you use that to become some sort of super ninja?"  She asked suddenly.</p><p>Heh, look at this pretty civvie smarter than Canon Naruto!</p><p>"Yes, I've got few groups of clones studying and more practicing techniques among other things." I agreed.</p><p>"Huh.  I thought being a ninja was supposed to be hard..."</p><p>"Most people can't use shadow clones like me- it's a combination of a ton of chakra- I've more energy than but a handful of people and that's without the demon, with it I've got more energy than.. I think all but one... being-  and one of the fastest healing factors on Earth lets me- being a Uzumaki demon container has it's perks."</p><p>"Wait, there are perks to being a demon,.. container?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, we're made to be .. deterrents to war, not that it's worked too great.  We can use our demon's power if they let us- well, some are luckier than others.  The one tailed sand.. .I think it's  a raccoon demon grants it's host amazing control over sand with an armor and automated defense that it could give a kage a little trouble but it makes the host insane with rage constantly- I lucked out that the fox was asleep and woke up just to eat imaginary pancakes...  Aside from it's being in me leaking chakra means a better healing factor and more chakra- which being a Uzumaki with a 'better body, thicker and more chakra and healing' type bloodline the effects stack very nicely and that's just the passives- the demon itself could grant me it's pure demonic chakra which would increase my everything other than control and rationality while using it."</p><p>"Huh. Demons and ninja are weird."</p><p>I should be offend but she had a point. </p><p>"S-so it's.. awake? It's not.. going to you know..."</p><p>"It just seems to want me to dream of food for it, I don't think it will make me insane."  Then again there's the sex thing but.. that was clearly just a dream.  Yeah, that's my excuse and I'll cling desperately to it.</p><p>"You do make good food." *(1)</p><p>I smiled feeling a bit uncomfortable... Probably because the clones make most of it.</p><p>"Speaking of do you know how to cook anything?" I asked hopefully, I'd had some issues with cooking things from here and didn't want to, say, waste a ton of rice figuring out how to boil it to perfection.</p><p>"A few things, um, I think I make good Okonomiyaki *(3), it's kind of like a savory crunchy version of those breakfast pancakes of yours or like that pete-sah."</p><p>"Pizza you mean?  Think you could show me how to make that for lunch?" I asked hopeful- that sounded pretty good.</p><p>Two nods from above, sounds like a tasty day.</p><p>Sumura's stomach growled loudly snapping me out of my thoughts.</p><p>"Want some breakfast in bed?"</p><p>"S-sure?"</p><p>I created a clone that returned with a plate of deviled eggs, some spicier than others, some with more bacon or cheese, some without either of those things and a few wrapped within bacon.</p><p>The ones I had my eyes on were the deviled eggs wrapped in bacon and those minced with bacon and mixed up with mayo and paprika, chili powder and the like stuffed in hollowed out and fried potatoes and the others that were much the same but within small roasted bell peppers, evidently my clones had taken to experimenting further and I couldn't be happier.</p><p>As I thought the extra spicy ones were too much for Sumura but that just meant I didn't have to surrender any more of them.</p><p>Surprisingly it was the deviled egg, cheese and bacon stuffed roasted peppers that were my favorite but the ones within potato were nice as well.  Another clone set out to relay the orders to turn most my spicy deviled eggs into stuffed potatoes and peppers even as I finished my second mug of coffee.</p><p>"Ugh, I can't eat like this anymore, I'm going to get fat."  The thought reminded me of the rather strange... dream.</p><p>"I.. don't mind if but if you do I'll make something healthier for dinner." I offered a bit reluctantly.</p><p>"Please..."</p><p>This was going to be a busy day in the kitchen clearly. </p><p>..If I minded I'd probably still be up on the surface risking my life for a village that hated me.</p><p>"We should go wash up."  Sumura.</p><p>I nodded, "Alright, uh, how about after I show you to the library?"</p><p>"You have a library!?" I grinned, there was a reason beyond looks I'd chosen Sumura- namely that she worked in the civilian library and was as big a book lover as me. Frankly there's not a lot to do down here right now so I needed someone that would.. well, be <em>happy</em> here.</p><p>"I sure do."  I agreed though as I was brushing my teeth I decided I'd need to get some clones to make entertainment so even  Sumura shooed me off to use the toilet I made up some more clones to get to it, and more more.</p><p>Book clones to recreate books from my world.</p><p>Wood carving clones that would need to figure out the differences between stone and wood to makeup some board games and while they were at it some wooden toys wouldn't be amiss and given the lack of knowledge on how I could possibly make playing cards wooden sets would do and maybe a Foosball table, a ping-pong table and the like.</p><p>Stone carvers that would make a nice outdoor table or two along with some benches and vases along with an RPG style dungeon or labyrinth with puzzles and more, not the first I'd made, an old gaming hobby of mine...</p><p>Perhaps a tennis court, basket ball court and 'outdoor' proper swimming pool- hell, I had the space.. I created more and had them get to a making a water park.</p><p>More clones and more, all the clones-</p><p>I felt a little drained when done but was eagerly awaiting the results particularly as the clones set to modify techniques had finally figured out how to <em>block</em> shadow clones from passing on their memories meaning the books based ones back home- with my lacking perfect memory- would be different enough to be interesting, as would the faux RPG labyrinth, frankly I didn't know which I was more excited by.</p><p>One last clone adjusted their orders- after all it'd be plain selfish of me not to share RPGs with the world, imagining confused ninja finding the place and fighting and puzzling through mazes and killing hoards of monstrous henged shadow clones... Hell, it sounds like a blast, especially if I don't go through it myself.</p><p>Better yet I can charge money for it with prizes I make myself I'd even be making a profit if I charged them even a single Ryo!</p><p>Another clone set out to instruct them to make a second water park as a 'water level', hopefully it will be a fun one instead of a slow annoyance.</p><p>Who said just because you're a mole-person you can't have fun?  Screw the surface, I'm going to have water-parks and dungeons!</p><p>..Hm... Gong to have to make a proper sex dungeon as well, hope Sumura is into that kind of thing...</p><p>"Deep thoughts?" Sumura asked startling me a touch, my awareness is really suffering down here but I rather feel safe than not even if it's a risk if I ever go back up.</p><p>"A bit.. uh, but it can wait."  I'm sure some of .. okay most of the books the clones write will have a large variety of smut- I just have to set a clone to paying attention to which types Sumura likes.</p><p>"Okay, so um... library?'</p><p>I nodded smiling</p><p>A couple reading while cuddling on the couch wasn't the most exciting of things to do, but it was one of the most pleasant and relaxing times since I got to Ninja world.</p><p>Better still Jiraiya's 'Tales of A Gutsy Ninja', the mans first book before finding his calling as an erotica author wasn't half-bad even if the man was crap and I felt it could use a little spicing up.   No matter, life couldn't <em>all</em> be smut.</p>
<hr/><p>Jiraiya scratched his head looking around.</p><p>"I was sure the village was here... Did they move or something?"</p><p>A clone watching barely suppressed his laughter as without me to teach the man had seemingly left the village early and missed out on the invasion and theft of the Leaf Village.</p><p>He turned to the bushes before snorting "Just a fox... now where am I going to do research... Wait, isn't there that village with only women?"  He nodded leaping away.</p><p>How.. irresponsible, shouldn't you be finding out what happened here?</p><p>"Got you!" The fox was indeed captured by a mess of hair.. but dispelled itself in a poof of smoke.</p><p>"Huh.. guess it was a clone, weird, didn't know foxes could do ninja techniques.  Oh well, time for some research, amazons here I coooome!" This time he jumped away and didn't return.</p><p>I watched amused from a branch on a tree as an orange parrot, for some reason no one ever seems to look up, not even ninja, pity, it's little boring- I was captured, surrounded by hair, damn it.  Boring or not it beat dispelling but.. I had my order.</p>
<hr/><p>I blinked as a clone popped, one that had a memory that shocked me to my core and gave rise to an extremely important task.  Immediately I summoned and sent thousands of clones even as there was a loud thump, the book Sumura had been reading had falling out her hands, her eyes were wide and her mouth moving without sound.. wait, is she blushing?</p><p>"W-would you like me to summon a few more clones and maybe go to the artificial beach I made?" I offered.  It'd take my mind off things.</p><p>She nodded so rapidly I thought her head might fall off.<br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*(1) There's a decent sized omake  coming up and let's just say he has a feeling of what could have been.<br/>*(2) I did a little research for this fic... Without the sun your sleep cycle can get extremely messed up to the point of slipping into 48 hour sleep cycles and being awake around as long which isn't healthy for us. Also sleep deprivation isn't good for mental sanity- for proof you need only see this fic in general and  the previously mentioned omake.<br/>*(3) Okonomiyaki is wheat-flour based fast food from Japan, fried with just about anything on top kind of like a savory pancake or crispy pizza.  Okonomi, means "how you like it" and yaki means 'cooked' showing just how much customization there is.<br/>*(34) *(4) I forgot to add this one before but 'The cake is a lie' meme originated from the 2007 game "Portal", as  GLaDOS promises if you complete the game there will be cake.  There is no cake. <br/>*(4) Rule 34 is a rule on the internet, stating that if something exists there is porn of it, if there isn't and you want it I wouldn't mind a smut fic request or two so long as it's a fandom I know well enough and you don't mind one-shots.  </p>
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